Last month, I lost my maternal uncle to cardiac arrest. Although he was 74 years old, it shocked us all as he remained in good health, and we all were confident about him enjoying grandchildren's weddings soon.
Everything happened within minutes; he felt a little restless during the day. The discomfort intensified later in the evening.
When the daughter drove him to the hospital around 8 pm, he was declared dead. I had a brief conversation with Mama an hour before he breathed his last. Maybe the future pushed us towards striking a conversation as it knew about the impending disaster. Time has its designs to make someone feel guilty, others comforted, and some others disconnected.
He is the oldest mama of the entire extended family, a guardian, caring, loving, and giving person. For many, he was a prototype of God on earth. We saw him tending to our mother and us like a parent as kids. I always envied my mother for having brothers who looked up to her as an angel.
I kept wondering, looking at my aunty, if they ever discussed death. Did they ever ask each other how to move forward when one leaves before the other? Fifty-two years of companionship is like living with each other for perpetuity.
They might have forgotten what it is like not to have the other person's shadow over them.
I asked my cousin if her parents ever discussed death and separation; she couldn't confirm it either way, as her only argument was that her father was a healthy man with another good decade on his side.
I have seen my parents and multiple other couples throwing rhetoric at each other on how much they will miss each other after the death. Arguments on how undervalued one is in others' eyes. Every quarrel ends in the rant, "You will recognise my worth only after I am gone ".
We have used death emotion as a blackmailing tool way too many times, for it has lost its weight in the sentimental quotient.
It perplexed me how we calculate life and age by factoring in health only and no other parameter. After seeing innumerable cases of sudden, untimely deaths, we still do not want to accept death's multidimensional reality.
It can strike unexpectedly at random times, leaving evil behind and taking away pious souls. It's discretion, and stochastic selection will remain a mystery forever.
I wonder why we hesitate to discuss death, knowing the vagaries of it.
I have seen young widows left directionless after the demise of their spouse and older men orphaned and unprepared. The only ones to lead a better life after the passing of their spouse are relatively younger males.
They find luck in getting a bride for themselves; it is easier to find a bride for a widower than a groom for a widow in this country. And I am happy for men because our society pushes them to get espoused as soon as possible.
It is painful to live without a companion, and this anxiety itself hinders us from discussing the topic. While typing this, my fingers shiver, dreading the premonition of the lurking separation. The same fear becomes an impediment to discussing separation. Nevertheless, we should keep aside the irrationality and delve into it realistically to address the elephant in the room.
When I brought this up with my man, he said, listen, I will not die anytime soon. If you have any such forewarnings regarding yourself, don't worry about me after you part; I have better life ideas than I could without you.
I asked what I would discuss with you. For you, all that matters is today; I wanted to have a clear roadmap on what to do after I am gone. You will regret not discussing this.
He: Hello, lady, don't try to play god always; some surprises are essential to stagger you up and strip you of your ego, pride, arrogance, and privileges.
Let them come at their scheduled time; meanwhile, let us live each day as it comes with its share of gifts and trials.
If the death of one of us before the other is inevitable, so be it. I am okay with that, and so should you be.
I could sense Gyan in his pravachan, but it becomes difficult for people like me, as we always have plans B and C chalked out much ahead of time.
For me, a life well lived is a task accomplished;
Promises should be kept, responsibilities fulfilled, liability addressed, and assets distributed.
If death comes now, today, or tomorrow, it should not startle me. I cannot make it feel important by asking for more time.
Hence, we must ask ourselves daily if we are done with our work for the day in case it strikes us tonight.
Have we prepared our loved ones to handle life after we are gone?
Have we submitted our apologies and thanks to the concerned?
The most important question I ask myself every day
"Am I living life for the virtue of it, or am I living life in anticipation of death "?
I don't know but, want the answers; my quest is on!
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