ENVY is the Epidemic we don't want to discuss.

 ENVY is the Epidemic we don't want to discuss.

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There is an epidemic silently spreading through our core..

Its name is envy IRHSYA .

we have begun to treat envy as if it were normal. Jaise kisi aur ki khushi dekhkar jalna ek aam baat ho.

We envy the Ambanis for hosting extravagant weddings. We envy Amir khan kind of celebrities for the girls he chose.

We envy successful professionals in our own field. We envy people from another city, another organisation, another community. We even envy someone who writes a thoughtful social media post, buys a new car, builds a beautiful home, or performs a grand puja.

Sometimes, we envy people who have absolutely nothing to do with our own lives.

The question is akhir kyun?

When did another person's happiness become a threat to our own?

What if we chose admiration over jealousy?

If someone is succeeding through honest effort, hard work, or good fortune, toh unki tarif karne mein humein takleef kyun hoti hai? Why can't another person's success become our inspiration instead of our frustration?

Somewhere, we have forgotten one of life's simplest joys .is .dusron ki khushi mein khush hona.

Another worrying trend is our tendency to treat every field as personal property.

The wealthy think wealth belongs only to them. Successful professionals begin to believe excellence is their monopoly. Senior members of organisations often become uneasy when younger members begin to shine.

"Yeh hamara field hai."

But is it really?

History smiles at such assumptions.

Time is the greatest leveller.

Samay sabka hai. Samay kisi ek vyakti ki jagir nahi hai.

No position is permanent. No title lasts forever. Every generation eventually hands over the baton to the next.

If time is going to replace all of us anyway, why spend our lives protecting imaginary thrones?

I have seen young doctors resent senior doctors instead of learning from them. I have seen experienced leaders discourage promising newcomers instead of mentoring them.

Arre bhai, if someone has reached where you wish to reach, don't pull them down. Learn how they climbed.

I have even heard people dismiss a family's beautiful celebration or a grand puja as "Kitna show-off karte hain!"

Why not think differently?

If possible, participate.

If not, congratulate them.

If even that is not possible, quietly observe and learn.

Seekhne mein koi chhota nahi ho jata.

Your envy changes nothing in their life but it changes everything in yours.

It steals your peace, poisons your relationships, clouds your judgment, weakens your character, and distances you from gratitude. Most importantly, it diverts precious time from the one person you truly need to improve ie yourself.

Apni energy comparison mein mat lagaiye. Apni growth mein lagaiye.

Another person's success is not proof of your failure. It is proof that success is possible.

The world has enough critics.it needs more people who can say, "Bahut achha kiya. Dil se mubarak ho."

Because when you genuinely celebrate someone else's success, you don't become small.

And remember...

Samay sabka hisaab barabar karta hai.

The throne you are trying so hard to protect today will one day belong to someone else.

So instead of fighting people, fight your insecurities and

Stop envying, keep blessing.

Because dua dene wale kabhi gareeb nahi hote, aur jalan rakhne wale kabhi ameer nahi bante.

When another person's light shines, your own light does not become dimmer.

The sky has room for every star

Why Blame Bollywood?

 

Why Blame Bollywood?

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I've been reading many comments on X and Fb blaming Bollywood for influencing young people to lie, deceive, or rebel in the name of love.

I wish to disagree on this.

The Bollywood I grew up watching taught me to sacrifice and to respect parents. It taught me that family mattered.

Hum Aapke Hain Koun..! celebrated sacrifice madhuri salman mohnish all of us could see ourselves in them and wanted to sacrifice our life like they did...

Dhadkans shilpa shetty showed a woman respecting her parents' decision despite her own heartbreak... And many like me were happy that she chose akshay over suneil.. and we loved suneil for his comeback ..

Maine Pyar Kiya was about proving oneself worthy to the girls father .. boys learned tow orkhard to win over girls dads. Our chetan could have done that. Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge didn't glorify eloping it showed us the importance of earning the family's blessing.. the boy slogged hard and the girl till last moment honoured her dad's order.

Many women of my generation, despite loving someone else, married the partners their parents chose. Many of them went on to build beautiful, fulfilling marriages. They are leading a very high standard life in comparison to what their lovers could have provided for.

So before bllaming bollywood we should ask ourselves a mushkil sawal.

What values are we giving our children at home?

Are we leading by example? Are we raising them with honesty, empathy, accountability, and respect?

A child's character is shaped first by family, then by schools, society, peers, social media and yes, films too.

Movies can influence us but they don't guide us on everyday decision making.

Siya goyal and ketan chowdhury could have tried the path of convincing parents, could have worked hard to become financially independent earn a decent living... She has shown more disrespect for her parents by allegedly murdering ketan than rebelling and asking them to call off the wedding...

I don't know which bollywood/hollywood is this generation watching.

We grew up on the theme of sacrifice and it helped us build good lives.

Feelings or Needs: What pushes us towards people?

 Feelings or Needs: What pushes us towards people?

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There was a time when family size was large. A father had eight or ten siblings, and a mother had an equal number of siblings/cousins.

And, as witnessed, not all siblings have progressed equally in life. Some became financially secure early in life, while others struggled to make ends meet.

The less fortunate expected support from those who had prospered. The successful did help, sometimes generously , but after years and decades, fatigue set in. The expectations never seemed to end. On the other hand, those who received help often felt that family should never stop supporting family.

Both sides had their own truths… no debate on that.

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Many relationships slowly faded not because there was no love, but because there were too many expectations sometimes from one party and sometimes from both sides..

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Today, I believe the situation is very different.

Most families have one or two, or at most 3, children. Parents work hard to educate all of them.

Most middle-class and upper-middle-class families are reasonably secure with all the kids doing relatively well.

Siblings are no longer dependent on each other, and they do not visit each other's homes because they are hungry, need our money, or they want to take away our belongings/status.

They come because they care for us and they want to preserve the relationship

And yet, relationships continue to crack. Why?

Because the struggle has changed. Earlier, it was about survival. Today, it is about comparison.

Who earns more? Who has a bigger house? Whose children are doing better? Who dresses better? Who is more successful? Social media has only added fuel to this silent competition.

The saddest part is that this competition is not with strangers. It is with siblings. With cousins.With close friends. With people who should have been our biggest cheerleaders.

Competition is healthy in business. It pushes companies to innovate. It is healthy in sports. It inspires excellence. But competition within the family slowly destroys Mohabbat.

You never truly win when your own people become your rivals.

Our siblings/cousins/relatives do not want our money, gifts or expensive hospitality. Most people simply want to feel respected and welcomed. They want to know that their presence matters.

And above all else, they want someone who values their time.

Time has become the rarest resource in modern life. Money can be earned again.

Possessions can be replaced, but time never returns.

So when someone spends an evening with you, visits your home, or simply chooses your company over countless other commitments, remember they have given you something priceless.

Let us honour that gift N stop measuring our lives against those we love.

Let us become each other's refuge rather than each other's competition. Because in today's world, people rarely come to our homes looking for our wealth. They come looking for warmth. And honestly , that is the richest gift any of us can offer.

*Someday, when we run out of LUCK, the emotions/relations we invest in will repay us with interest.*

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The Pic is from the Theatrical masterpiece "Humare ram." I worship not just Ram and Sita, but the entire family. Spend your time and money on this show. It adds so much value to one's life.

Watched in the company friends Deepa Priya and Aruna Raprolu

#humareram

Why I Sometimes Wish I Had Two Spouses

 TiE Siliguri

Why I Sometimes Wish I Had Two Spouses

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No, I don't want two husbands. This story is about something else.

The title is by choice. 

It may sound like clickbait. It may even make some people raise an eyebrow… ahh ye kya keh rahi hai..hey ram type  thoughts.

But believe me, this is an honest outpouring from a fellow mahila who is simply trying to fit too much life into chaubees ghate (24)

Last week  I attended a two-day workshop on Artificial Intelligence. Around 25 entrepreneurs from different industries gathered to learn, brainstorm, share ideas, and understand how AI will transform our businesses. organised by TiE Siliguri #tie

I informed my coworkers, the kids' husbands, and the maids that I would not be available for two days, and I anticipated returning home inspired.

Instead, I came home feeling slightly defeated, disheartened…

Many of my contemporaries were already fluent in  AI. They discussed tools, automation, workflows and productivity with ease. I listened, learned, took notes, and made an app under their guidance, but somewhere inside, I wondered if I was already lagging behind.

Then I asked myself . How am I not getting a chance to learn all this, and how do they find the time?

During one of the discussions, I couldn't resist turning to my male colleagues and saying,

"Can you brilliant people now help the world design AI-powered wardrobe organisers? Or invent machines that automatically cook healthy, tasty meals and place them on the dining table exactly when everyone is hungry? While you're at it, create something that , orders groceries before they run out, waters the plants, reminds children about their passports, bank accounts, keeps the house organised and tells me where my missing spectacles are."

The room paid little attention because I was the only lady, and the rest couldn't relate to my samsya.

But I wasn't entirely joking.

Artificial Intelligence is learning fast fast  to write reports, analyse data, generate presentations, answer emails, and automate business processes, but when will it learn to  automate life for working women, because for us, the biggest bottleneck isn't professional competence but an endless stream of invisible domestic decisions that begin long before office hours and continue long after everyone else has gone to bed.

As a working woman, I don't divide my calendar into office time and personal time; I divide it into priorities, and they're always competing with each other. 

If I choose work and exercise, my kitchen falls behind. If I choose home and family, I feel guilty that my businesses didn't receive the attention they deserved that particular day.

If I focus on my health (physical adn mental), like spending time in the gym, a spa, or binge-watching a series, I feel guilty about neglecting home and work. I feel selfish, unkind, and  moronish

I have realised that guilt has become a full-time companion now.

People assume that, as I run businesses, I must be driven by ambition.

They're right, but they don't realise that my ambitions r not limited to commercial business only.

I want to farm. I want to work with village women and children and contribute something meaningful to their lives.  I love cooking because it feels like therapy. I enjoy experimenting with recipes, packing homemade food for friends and receiving little containers of love in return. Those exchanges make me happier than many business achievements. I have a deep interest in wellness, which is why I partnered with a friend to run a salon. She manages the daily operations while I handle purchases whenever I can… thankfully, that is the only place of business that is relaxing and rejuvenating.

I love gardening, and I enjoy being mindless. 

I want my home to be warm, welcoming and beautifully maintained.

I want my employees to feel cared for. I worry about their families, celebrate their milestones and stand beside them during difficult times.

I enjoy writing.

I dream of learning new technology.

I want to understand AI well enough to transform my own businesses.

None of these dreams competes inside my heart, but they compete only for time.

And that is where my strange wish begins.

Sometimes I wish I had two spouses. Hey, no, no, don't make a gossip. I don't want another husband.

And certainly not because I am unhappy with the one I have.

If there were a second spouse, it couldn't even be another man.

I simply wish I had someone who could be for me what countless wives have quietly been for their husbands over generations.

Someone I could lean on, who would remember the invisible things.

Someone who would make sure groceries appeared before they ran out and stock vegetables in the refrigerator.

Someone who remembered birthdays, who planned meals,  who called the electrician before I even realised the light had fused, who noticed that the bedsheets needed changing or that the plants looked thirsty.

Ye kaam itna mushkil nahi hai, but constantly remembering them consumes a lot of mental energy.

Now I can guess what many of you, especially male  readers, are already thinking.

"Why don't you simply hire help?" I can, and I probably should.

But somewhere, many women of my generation have been conditioned to believe that spending on their own comfort is an indulgence rather than an investment. My mom-in-law always makes noise about too much domestic help. I sat her down and explained how dependent I am on them and how much I need them for my mental peace… she was convinced…  older women need to be explained… and I love her for her empathy ..

We happily hire accountants to save businesses time and managers to increase productivity, and we outsource marketing.

But spending money to reduce our own domestic burden somehow feels selfish.

That guilt itself becomes another unpaid responsibility.

As I looked around the AI workshop, I quietly wondered whether the men sitting beside me carried the same invisible checklist in their heads. Were they simultaneously wondering what to cook for dinner?

Whether the house help had turned up? Or if  there was enough milk at home?

Should the curtains be washed before guests arrive?

 Maybe some were, and probably most weren't. This is not a criticism of men.

It is simply an observation about how our homes have functioned for decades….

The irony is fascinating.

AI promises to save us hours every day.

Yet no software has figured out how to carry emotional labour.

It cannot remember everyone's preferences, nor can it quietly anticipate everyone's needs.

It cannot remove the invisible mental load that so many women carry without ever speaking about it.

It is not about wanting two spouses, it is about the support system, a system which shouldn't make me feel guilty…  I want society to stop measuring a woman's worth by how effortlessly she appears to juggle everything.

Success isn't doing everything yourself. Perhaps success is recognising that even the strongest women deserve a backstage crew.

And that's what my friends are, the greatest lesson I learnt at the AI conference.

I had spent years trying to compete in a race while carrying an invisible backpack that many people never even notice. 

So no...

I don't really wish I had two spouses.

I just wish the world recognised that behind every capable working woman is a thousand invisible decisions that nobody applauds.

Maybe one day AI will lighten that burden.  

Until then, we need something even more powerful.

  TiE Siliguri Arun Agarwal President TiE Siliguri 

Thank you for your attention.

रखो सब्र,

 रखो सब्र, अपने कर्म पर ध्यान दो,

थोड़ा काम वक्त को भी करने दो।

किसे क्या मिला, ये जानना तुम्हारा काम नहीं,

तुम्हारी मेहनत का फल तुमसे दूर नहीं।

दूसरों की ज़िंदगी में झाँकने से सिर्फ़ बेचैनी मिलती है,

अपनी मंज़िल पर नज़र रखो वक्त और कर्म, 

दोनों कभी किसी के कर्ज़दार नहीं रहते।

Some observations

 Some observations

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Kuch funny incidents are the gossip of drivers, cooks, and household helpers

Many times they exaggerate their maliks life even more than the malik does.

One driver proudly announces, "My malik has a licensed revolver and never steps out without it."

Another says, "My malik has so many girlfriends that he can't remember all their birthdays." He often uses my phone to talk to them because memsaheb checks his phone.

A third claims, "There is one entire room in our house used only to store cash."

Another whispers, "Every night sir drinks imported single malt worth thousands of rupees... and sometimes he even shares it with me."

Their stories become grander with every retelling, as if their pride is at stake.

To be fair, the maliks aren't much different. After a few drinks, their own mehfils are filled with tales of money, property, political connections, influence, business deals, and imaginary admirers. Every fish caught becomes a whale by the end of the evening.

The helpers' gossip, however exaggerated, often contains tiny bits of truth hidden beneath layers of imagination. Listening carefully, we sometimes learn more about a household from its kaam karnewale than from its malik...

A senior uncle once shared his wisdom "before giving a daughter in marriage, or getting someone elses daughter home , talk to the drivers and domestic help of that family to understand the background and culture.

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As for drunken conversations, my observation is that men often boast and inflate their achievements, while women more often revisit family holidays, emotional wounds, difficult relationships family conflicts .. nanand devar blah blah.. and sometimes designer bags, menopause Malaika's yoga , kitty party themes, Shilpa Shetty's karwa chauth ki saree, nyka offers and kids achievements... They are more honest than men.

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Reading this Please don't get offended ..consider all this as my imagination

Blind surrender is the enemy of love.

 Blind surrender is the enemy of love.

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Since childhood, I watched couples disagree, argue , and refuse to blindly accept each other's opinions. sach mein ,these are the couples I admire the most.

On the other hand, I have also seen people gradually abandon their own beliefs and convictions simply because they are deeply in love with their partner. Sometimes it happens subtly, without either person even realising it. Love becomes agreement, and companionship becomes a compromise.

This is why I have mixed feelings about how the concept of Ardhangini is sometimes understood.

No doubt it is a beautiful idea. It symbolises two people sharing a journey, supporting each other, and complementing each other's strengths and weaknesses.

But if it is interpreted as one partner losing their individuality or becoming an unquestioning extension of the other, then the concept becomes flawed in daily life…

Love should never demand the sacrifice of independent thought.

Respect should not interfere in intellectual process,

shaadi and spouse cannot become a twin sibling a clone of ourself

The strongest relationships are not the one in which there is perfect agreement. They are the ones in which both partners have the freedom and confidence to disagree openly, challenge each other's assumptions, and still stand firmly by one another.

I have watched many beautiful couples evolve for the better in each other's company. I have also seen many deteriorate because one partner slowly surrendered their judgment to the influence of the other. Love, when it encourages growth, is transformative. But love that demands unquestioning acceptance can slowly diminish the very person it claims to cherish.

as a kid my daughter would often ask me, "Why do you and dad argue so much?"

I used to tell her r "our disagreements are a proof that neither of us had surrendered our ability to think independently". We challenge , question n sometimes even irritate each other and precisely thats what helped the growth.

An Ardhangini or Ardhanga should be a partner in life….. not an echo of your thoughts. Sometimes, the greatest expression of love is not saying "I agree with you," but saying, "I love you enough to tell you that I think you're wrong."

Disagreement is not the enemy of love!