Why I Sometimes Wish I Had Two Spouses

 TiE Siliguri

Why I Sometimes Wish I Had Two Spouses

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No, I don't want two husbands. This story is about something else.

The title is by choice. 

It may sound like clickbait. It may even make some people raise an eyebrow… ahh ye kya keh rahi hai..hey ram type  thoughts.

But believe me, this is an honest outpouring from a fellow mahila who is simply trying to fit too much life into chaubees ghate (24)

Last week  I attended a two-day workshop on Artificial Intelligence. Around 25 entrepreneurs from different industries gathered to learn, brainstorm, share ideas, and understand how AI will transform our businesses. organised by TiE Siliguri #tie

I informed my coworkers, the kids' husbands, and the maids that I would not be available for two days, and I anticipated returning home inspired.

Instead, I came home feeling slightly defeated, disheartened…

Many of my contemporaries were already fluent in  AI. They discussed tools, automation, workflows and productivity with ease. I listened, learned, took notes, and made an app under their guidance, but somewhere inside, I wondered if I was already lagging behind.

Then I asked myself . How am I not getting a chance to learn all this, and how do they find the time?

During one of the discussions, I couldn't resist turning to my male colleagues and saying,

"Can you brilliant people now help the world design AI-powered wardrobe organisers? Or invent machines that automatically cook healthy, tasty meals and place them on the dining table exactly when everyone is hungry? While you're at it, create something that , orders groceries before they run out, waters the plants, reminds children about their passports, bank accounts, keeps the house organised and tells me where my missing spectacles are."

The room paid little attention because I was the only lady, and the rest couldn't relate to my samsya.

But I wasn't entirely joking.

Artificial Intelligence is learning fast fast  to write reports, analyse data, generate presentations, answer emails, and automate business processes, but when will it learn to  automate life for working women, because for us, the biggest bottleneck isn't professional competence but an endless stream of invisible domestic decisions that begin long before office hours and continue long after everyone else has gone to bed.

As a working woman, I don't divide my calendar into office time and personal time; I divide it into priorities, and they're always competing with each other. 

If I choose work and exercise, my kitchen falls behind. If I choose home and family, I feel guilty that my businesses didn't receive the attention they deserved that particular day.

If I focus on my health (physical adn mental), like spending time in the gym, a spa, or binge-watching a series, I feel guilty about neglecting home and work. I feel selfish, unkind, and  moronish

I have realised that guilt has become a full-time companion now.

People assume that, as I run businesses, I must be driven by ambition.

They're right, but they don't realise that my ambitions r not limited to commercial business only.

I want to farm. I want to work with village women and children and contribute something meaningful to their lives.  I love cooking because it feels like therapy. I enjoy experimenting with recipes, packing homemade food for friends and receiving little containers of love in return. Those exchanges make me happier than many business achievements. I have a deep interest in wellness, which is why I partnered with a friend to run a salon. She manages the daily operations while I handle purchases whenever I can… thankfully, that is the only place of business that is relaxing and rejuvenating.

I love gardening, and I enjoy being mindless. 

I want my home to be warm, welcoming and beautifully maintained.

I want my employees to feel cared for. I worry about their families, celebrate their milestones and stand beside them during difficult times.

I enjoy writing.

I dream of learning new technology.

I want to understand AI well enough to transform my own businesses.

None of these dreams competes inside my heart, but they compete only for time.

And that is where my strange wish begins.

Sometimes I wish I had two spouses. Hey, no, no, don't make a gossip. I don't want another husband.

And certainly not because I am unhappy with the one I have.

If there were a second spouse, it couldn't even be another man.

I simply wish I had someone who could be for me what countless wives have quietly been for their husbands over generations.

Someone I could lean on, who would remember the invisible things.

Someone who would make sure groceries appeared before they ran out and stock vegetables in the refrigerator.

Someone who remembered birthdays, who planned meals,  who called the electrician before I even realised the light had fused, who noticed that the bedsheets needed changing or that the plants looked thirsty.

Ye kaam itna mushkil nahi hai, but constantly remembering them consumes a lot of mental energy.

Now I can guess what many of you, especially male  readers, are already thinking.

"Why don't you simply hire help?" I can, and I probably should.

But somewhere, many women of my generation have been conditioned to believe that spending on their own comfort is an indulgence rather than an investment. My mom-in-law always makes noise about too much domestic help. I sat her down and explained how dependent I am on them and how much I need them for my mental peace… she was convinced…  older women need to be explained… and I love her for her empathy ..

We happily hire accountants to save businesses time and managers to increase productivity, and we outsource marketing.

But spending money to reduce our own domestic burden somehow feels selfish.

That guilt itself becomes another unpaid responsibility.

As I looked around the AI workshop, I quietly wondered whether the men sitting beside me carried the same invisible checklist in their heads. Were they simultaneously wondering what to cook for dinner?

Whether the house help had turned up? Or if  there was enough milk at home?

Should the curtains be washed before guests arrive?

 Maybe some were, and probably most weren't. This is not a criticism of men.

It is simply an observation about how our homes have functioned for decades….

The irony is fascinating.

AI promises to save us hours every day.

Yet no software has figured out how to carry emotional labour.

It cannot remember everyone's preferences, nor can it quietly anticipate everyone's needs.

It cannot remove the invisible mental load that so many women carry without ever speaking about it.

It is not about wanting two spouses, it is about the support system, a system which shouldn't make me feel guilty…  I want society to stop measuring a woman's worth by how effortlessly she appears to juggle everything.

Success isn't doing everything yourself. Perhaps success is recognising that even the strongest women deserve a backstage crew.

And that's what my friends are, the greatest lesson I learnt at the AI conference.

I had spent years trying to compete in a race while carrying an invisible backpack that many people never even notice. 

So no...

I don't really wish I had two spouses.

I just wish the world recognised that behind every capable working woman is a thousand invisible decisions that nobody applauds.

Maybe one day AI will lighten that burden.  

Until then, we need something even more powerful.

  TiE Siliguri Arun Agarwal President TiE Siliguri 

Thank you for your attention.

रखो सब्र,

 रखो सब्र, अपने कर्म पर ध्यान दो,

थोड़ा काम वक्त को भी करने दो।

किसे क्या मिला, ये जानना तुम्हारा काम नहीं,

तुम्हारी मेहनत का फल तुमसे दूर नहीं।

दूसरों की ज़िंदगी में झाँकने से सिर्फ़ बेचैनी मिलती है,

अपनी मंज़िल पर नज़र रखो वक्त और कर्म, 

दोनों कभी किसी के कर्ज़दार नहीं रहते।

Some observations

 Some observations

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Kuch funny incidents are the gossip of drivers, cooks, and household helpers

Many times they exaggerate their maliks life even more than the malik does.

One driver proudly announces, "My malik has a licensed revolver and never steps out without it."

Another says, "My malik has so many girlfriends that he can't remember all their birthdays." He often uses my phone to talk to them because memsaheb checks his phone.

A third claims, "There is one entire room in our house used only to store cash."

Another whispers, "Every night sir drinks imported single malt worth thousands of rupees... and sometimes he even shares it with me."

Their stories become grander with every retelling, as if their pride is at stake.

To be fair, the maliks aren't much different. After a few drinks, their own mehfils are filled with tales of money, property, political connections, influence, business deals, and imaginary admirers. Every fish caught becomes a whale by the end of the evening.

The helpers' gossip, however exaggerated, often contains tiny bits of truth hidden beneath layers of imagination. Listening carefully, we sometimes learn more about a household from its kaam karnewale than from its malik...

A senior uncle once shared his wisdom "before giving a daughter in marriage, or getting someone elses daughter home , talk to the drivers and domestic help of that family to understand the background and culture.

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As for drunken conversations, my observation is that men often boast and inflate their achievements, while women more often revisit family holidays, emotional wounds, difficult relationships family conflicts .. nanand devar blah blah.. and sometimes designer bags, menopause Malaika's yoga , kitty party themes, Shilpa Shetty's karwa chauth ki saree, nyka offers and kids achievements... They are more honest than men.

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Reading this Please don't get offended ..consider all this as my imagination

Blind surrender is the enemy of love.

 Blind surrender is the enemy of love.

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Since childhood, I watched couples disagree, argue , and refuse to blindly accept each other's opinions. sach mein ,these are the couples I admire the most.

On the other hand, I have also seen people gradually abandon their own beliefs and convictions simply because they are deeply in love with their partner. Sometimes it happens subtly, without either person even realising it. Love becomes agreement, and companionship becomes a compromise.

This is why I have mixed feelings about how the concept of Ardhangini is sometimes understood.

No doubt it is a beautiful idea. It symbolises two people sharing a journey, supporting each other, and complementing each other's strengths and weaknesses.

But if it is interpreted as one partner losing their individuality or becoming an unquestioning extension of the other, then the concept becomes flawed in daily life…

Love should never demand the sacrifice of independent thought.

Respect should not interfere in intellectual process,

shaadi and spouse cannot become a twin sibling a clone of ourself

The strongest relationships are not the one in which there is perfect agreement. They are the ones in which both partners have the freedom and confidence to disagree openly, challenge each other's assumptions, and still stand firmly by one another.

I have watched many beautiful couples evolve for the better in each other's company. I have also seen many deteriorate because one partner slowly surrendered their judgment to the influence of the other. Love, when it encourages growth, is transformative. But love that demands unquestioning acceptance can slowly diminish the very person it claims to cherish.

as a kid my daughter would often ask me, "Why do you and dad argue so much?"

I used to tell her r "our disagreements are a proof that neither of us had surrendered our ability to think independently". We challenge , question n sometimes even irritate each other and precisely thats what helped the growth.

An Ardhangini or Ardhanga should be a partner in life….. not an echo of your thoughts. Sometimes, the greatest expression of love is not saying "I agree with you," but saying, "I love you enough to tell you that I think you're wrong."

Disagreement is not the enemy of love!

It Takes Courage to Stay. It Takes Courage to Leave.

 It Takes Courage to Stay. It Takes Courage to Leave.

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Perhaps the BJP's recent success has proved one important point not just in Bengal, but across India, it is possible to win elections in a state that was never traditionally a BJP stronghold without relying on extreme minority appeasement politics.

That possibility may have quietly changed the mindset of many politicians within the TMC. It is entirely plausible that not everyone in the party was comfortable with what they perceived as excessive appeasement politics, but they stayed because they believed there was simply no other electoral path to victory. Salong tak, leaders and workers alike may have been conditioned to think that winning without consolidating minority support en masse was namumkin..

If that assumption has now been challenged, it naturally gives confidence to those who were privately uncomfortable with the party's culture, management style, or ideological direction. In that sense, the TMC's setbacks may have been seen as a moment of opportunity by those who had long remained on the margins.

So if some MPs choose to leave the party and explore other political options, there is nothing inherently immoral about it. Politicians are not elected for life. Every few years they must return to the people and seek a fresh mandate. If they have the courage to defend their decisions before the electorate, let the voters decide.

The example of the Shiv Sena split and the electoral performance of the Shinde faction has also demonstrated that political realignments do not automatically end a career. It has shown many politicians that the public is capable of making independent judgments rather than blindly rewarding or punishing defections.

The same standard should apply to everyone. If Mamata Banerjee herself were to contemplate an understanding with the Congress for political advantage, then it would be difficult to argue that MPs leaving the TMC for ideological or political reasons are somehow uniquely immoral. Politics is ultimately about seeking the people's approval, not about guaranteeing oneself the same post forever.

From the public's perspective, more political churn is not necessarily a bad thing. Competition often produces accountability. If our MP changes parties but delivers development, remains accessible, and ultimately returns to the electorate for judgment, our democratic right to accept or reject them remains intact.

It takes courage to stay in a party despite disagreement. It also takes courage to leave and risk political uncertainty. Neither decision is automatically noble or automatically dishonest.

However, credibility matters. Some politicians develop a reputation for switching sides repeatedly for personal convenience rather than principle. Once voters begin to see a pattern of opportunism, trust becomes difficult to rebuild. Figures who change parties multiple times inevitably invite scepticism about their motivations.

The example of Babul Supriyo illustrates another aspect of politics: every decision carries consequences. He made a choice that he believed was best for his political future, and he now has to live with the evolving realities of that decision. In politics, as in life, everyone is both a beneficiary and a victim of their own choices.

Similarly, if a leader was selected primarily for identity-based electoral calculations rather than merit or ideology, then subsequent political movement should not come as a surprise. Decisions driven by short-term electoral arithmetic often produce short-term loyalties. ex; yousuf pathan

Perhaps the broader historical arc was always going to unfold this way. One could argue that the TMC emerged to end decades of Left rule, governed for over fifteen years, and may now gradually make space for another political force. In that interpretation, the TMC itself became the vehicle that dismantled the CPI(M)'s dominance, creating conditions that eventually benefited the BJP. It is even arguable that the BJP, on its own, may never have been able to dislodge the Left without the TMC first transforming Bengal's political landscape.

History has a way of producing such ironies.

In the end, democracy belongs not to parties but to the people. Governments rise, governments fall, alliances shift, loyalties changebut but every few years the final verdict still rests with the voter.

And that is exactly how it should be.

It takes courage to stay. It takes courage to leave. The only lasting judge is the public.

And for the first time BJP has no role in breaking a party and more so in creaitng this rift within TMC.

ABHAYA IS WATCHING EVERYTHING FROM SOMEWHERE UP IN THE HEAVENS, IF ANYONE HAS MANUFACTURED THIS VERDICT IT IS ABAYA EMPOWERED BY SHREE KRISHNA. SHE WAS BORN FOR A PURPOSE AND SACRIFICED HERSELF FOR A PURPOSE. KARANA JANMA #rgkarmedicalcollege #abaya

 माँ के घर की छत…

माँ के घर की टूटी छत कहती है,

थोड़ा जल्दी आना चाहिए था…

मेरी मरम्मत करवा लेनी चाहिए थी…

इसी छत के नीचे तुमने

पढ़ना सीखा,

हारकर भी हिम्मत न हारना सीखा…

माँ की रोटियाँ,

दादी की कहानियाँ,

पापा के रेडियो संग

सपने बुने…

आज तुम बड़े घरों में रहते हो,

ऊँची छतों के नीचे सोते हो…

पर याद रखना

मैं सिर्फ एक छत नहीं,

तुम्हारे बचपन की हिफाज़त हूँ,

तुम्हारे माता-पिता के सपनों की विरासत हूँ…

मुझे बचाओगे, तो तुम्हारे बच्चे सीखेंगे

जड़ें मजबूत हों,

तो ही पीढ़ियाँ ऊँची उड़ान भरती हैं

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A visit to the ancestral home of the in-laws stirred up many emotions.

We surely are a generation that is sinking low in values and rising high on the EGO-METRICS

Raghav Chadha: The Rebel Bahu of Indian Politics

 Raghav Chadha: The Rebel Bahu of Indian Politics

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Indian politics is like a big joint family, and Jyadatar, a rebellious daughter-in-law, shakes things up. A smart, educated, and ambitious bahu is enough to make the mother-in-law nervous.

Raghav Chadha fits this role perfectly. He is articulate, educated, and charming, and he joined the political family with all the right qualities. When he applied for party membership, he was among the first to pass Kumar Vishwas's screening.

_____________________

From the start, Arvind Kejriwal supported Raghav Chadha. He was respected for his education and corporate experience and gradually made a name for himself as a top performer.

Parineeti Chopra transformed him from a politician to a celebrity. Raghav ki rajneeti mein Parineeti ne chaar chand lagaya.

But in any power structure, whether at home or in politics, gaining popularity always has a price.

The moment one individual begins to command more attention, equations shift.

Leadership can sense when control starts to slip as admiration shifts to someone else. That’s when the real game begins.

Arvind had a great begnning a perfect script a solid strategy till he won DELHI twice but slowly started to forget that he had come from an Andolan background and that the shelf life of Andolan-backed parties is short.

A party that came on a Vichar Dhara became a party of Vyakti Vihesh. The SHEESH MAHAL, which arvind believed would always protect him, ultimately led to his downfall.

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Instead of arguing openly, Raghav quietly changed the whole family structure.

He took a few relatives with him, like the disgruntled chachis, devranis, and nanads.

and moved to a bigger, more powerful and welcoming “tauji ka ghar” .

Because let’s be honest

If a bigger house offers better growth, security, and future prospects…

Even the most sanskari bahu will consider shifting.

________

Raghav turned the tables and blamed Arvind, saying, 'mai unki dosti ke kabil nahi tha kyonki mi unki gunahon mein shamil nahi tho.'

Arvind is now asking everyone around him, “Yeh kab hua? Kaise hua?”

But that's the thing about power, it doesn't leave with noise. It just slips away quietly, haule haule.

________________

Let’s not make this a debate around morality. This is not at all about morality.

In politics, defections aren't betrayals; they are a shift in strategies.

From Stalin to KCR to Babu to Didi to many regional and national players, power has never been built on purity. It prospers on timing, perception, and yes, calculated *deception*.

Appeasement. Freebies. Polarisation. twisted narratives.

Different tools, same goal: control the public through narratives, freebies, and appeasement.

Politics, at its core, is not about truth. It is about managing the *perception of truth*.

Planned narratives always beat spontaneous honesty because they have machinery, messaging, and momentum behind them. In short, every back office uses the same strategy.

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Every politician carries a daag on their daaman.

They win because of strategy, and they fall because of the same strategy.

The rebel daughter-in-law who leaves will raise the next generation hungry for power, visibility, and control.

The one who stays will wait silently, calculating her moment.

Different paths. Same destination.

Because whether it’s a household… or a nation…

Power runs on the same recipe: a little truth, a little service, and a good dose of deception.

In politics, you don’t win by being the nicest person in the room.

You win by knowing when to stay… and when to shift houses.

Because sometimes,

the real power move is not fighting for a seat it’s choosing a better table altogether.

The most important move isn't climbing the ranks within the system, but knowing when to leave and find a bigger opportunity.

Raghav and Co. are just following the playbook.

#RaghavChadha #AapParty #AAPPunjab #AapNews #MotaBhai #BJPGovernment #modi Raghav Chadha Parineeti Chopra Narendra Modi