A good part of the past 45 years of my life was submerged in Fear.

 A good part of the past 45 years of my life was submerged in Fear.

; the predominant among the pool of phobias is the fear of losing loved ones.

Many significant decisions in my Life were guided and governed by this same Fear.

Efforts to break out of it made me more apprehensive of the imaginary consequences followed by nightmares and then guilt for making attempts to break out of the fear zone.

The fears are not entirely imaginary. They were propelled by the past incidences, where I lost people ahead of their time, where I have seen my people fight death from close encounters.

The brawl within was long and the battle hard.

A lot of dialogue with self, spiritual wisdom through books and thought-provoking Satsang with friends helped me fight the demons inside, helped me heal, and calm down.

Healing did not mean the damage never existed, but now the damage can no longer control my Life, my future decisions.

I could finally make peace with the famous saying, "Jo hona hai so hoke rahega".

Khalil Gibran's poem on children had a profound influence on the mother in me in respect to the fears about children.

I quote

_______

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so He loves also the bow that is stable.

______________________________

One visible bold outcome of breaching the fear barrier is evident in my decision to send my daughter on a ten-day-long trekking Snow Expedition to an altitude of 12,500 feet in the Garhwal Himalayas.

Dearest Preeshu

It is not easy to release your palm and let you go, but at the same time it is very liberating to let you go, to watch you find your feet, look at Life and gain many newer perspectives beyond the teachings of parents, society, teachers etc.

I have to let you make mistakes, learn lessons, explore things; I have to clear your path, pave the way for your evolution.

Travel will connect your inner world with the outer; this trek may help you appreciate what you have, make you a little responsible for your belongings, help you plan the spending within a given budget, make you a better team player.

My fears were the only barriers standing between you and the big beautiful world outside of the home.

Daughter, as you step out today, my heart is filled with love, happiness, joy and freedom—pain and Fear still lurking in some corners of my heart.

You may falter, you may stumble, and you may turn back to look for support. Indeed, you will not find us physically behind you, and that's when you will look inwards for help for answers.

If you dig out the repository of conversations we had, the conclusions we made for real-life and imaginary situations, you will find many solutions. The freedom to chose a path while standing at the crossroads will be the acid test for you, fail, falter, rise and keep going; we don't know where this new journey will lead to, but as the wise men say, "Life is a journey, not a destination.

Have fun, widen your horizon and scale the heights.

Started missing you already..

Godspeed!