This Mother's Day is the first time I have missed my mom so extensively.
It had never happened before.
I woke up to a dream in which I called my mom, and she was crying on the phone. When I asked why she denied crying, I could sense her tears through the vibrations in her voice. Mothers cannot hide anything from their daughters.
I tried again, hello mummy, hello mummy....the line went blank,
I opened my eyes, and the sharp sunlight spearing through the curtains made me cover my eyes. That's when I felt my moist eyes, so the day started with tears.
I lay on the bed, shielding my eyes with my forearm, thinking of my mother. At 46 years of age, even with so much work, I feel lonely many times, parents gone, children flying out of the nest, body ageing. It all seems so futile and directionless.
My mother, too, might have felt the same.
She wasn't a working woman; In a male-dominated household, economically dependent, and Homebound, the helplessness was manifold in her case. I wish she had lived a little longer, given me an opportunity to take care of her to pamper her the way my children do to me.
Alas, life never gives a second chance. People who leave us will never come back to us.
___________
I got up to attend to the daily chores with a heavy heart. We adopted a street dog mother while she was pregnant with three puppies. They live just outside our gate. In the morning, with a toothbrush in my mouth, I went out to play with them, gave the babies a nice massage with the comb, fed them, nursed the mother's wounds, and wished her a happy mothers day. Maybe it was a subconscious attempt to add meaning to life to my existence.
__________________
In the second half, I switched to Netflix and watched spy thrillers back to back, Inglorious bastards and Raazi(5th time).
Sensing my gloominess, the daughter offered to take me out for dinner and shopping; she proffered spending the prize money of Rs 6000/- she won for clearing the KVPY exam with good marks. She suggested that her dad stay home and watch IPL, which makes him happy.
We drove to the Mall, and all along, she indulged in a pep talk to make me happy.
She finally asked me why do you live with dad. He doesn't do anything to make you feel special ever. I never saw him bringing gifts or praising you, or valuing what you do for all of us.
I said it doesn't hurt me, preesha, as I know his limitations on this aspect; he compensates for it differently. He is a good husband; ours is not a fairytale marriage but fairly and reasonably a good one. He gave me the freedom to live my life on my terms, which I cherish the most in our marriage, and mental freedom is a blessing for an ambitious, competitive working woman.
I haven't outsourced to him the responsibility of always keeping me pleased.
It is my life, and I should find ways ad means to do things which make me happy without passing on this burden to anyone else.
_____________
We reached the destination, and her moods wavered between buying gifts for me to purchasing things for herself.
We went around the Mall, picking up small stuff from here and there. She picked up some dresses and went to the trial room, checking. The Mall was abuzz with active shoppers on mothers day weekend.
The incredible scene was the one near the ladies' trial room. Men were standing outside with clothes on their shoulders in their hands, waiting for their wives/girlfriends to come out looking for approval. They would send the ladies back with suggestions on fittings on what to keep and discard.
I spent nearly 30 minutes watching the Ramp walk and the audience. I was convinced that the men enjoyed watching women of all ages walking in and out of the trial rooms trying new colourful clothes, short and long.
Mean The daughter finalized a lovely dress for herself ending my ordeal of standing outside the trial room with a bag full of clothes.
___________________
We eventually came home exhausted with a sack full of apparel for everyone.
I told the aunties(maids) to have dinner and sleep, wished them happy Mother's Day, and asked them if they wanted to eat anything special.
One of the two aunties asked for alcohol. I gave her a chilled beer and told her to fry some fish for the two of them.
Even momentarily, I did not judge her for her choice(beer) of celebration.
She narrated how she in her village home had beer made of rice every weekend. Her friend used to make the spirit with cooked rice and sell it to all the labourers. Most of her clients were women.
My maid is a hardworking woman in her late 40s. Her husband died early, and she brought up the children single-handedly and married her daughter to a man from her caste, but the son eloped with a girl from another caste. Hence she broke off ties with him forever.
Now she earns enough to live life queen-sized and enjoy the spirits and meat every weekend. As her employer, I will ensure she has great fun at work.
My other maid-aunty has been a spinster all her life; she remained married to her responsibilities of taking care of the siblings, parents, nieces and nephews. She, too, is a mother, not a biological mother but a mother goddess to her family members.
I shifted my strategy of hiring aunties in place of Didis for domestic help. Aunties are grounded and stable as they have seen enough of life's good and evil and are better judges of their employer.
___________
Every woman is remarkable with a unique, complex story.
We should not be calling one mother more hardworking than the other. Every mother strives hard to provide the best to her children with all her means.
Demeaning and categorizing women, especially mothers, is not fair.
Once we become a mother, once we take up the responsibility of mothering, I guess we undergo some chemical reactions in our body-mind, which recasts us into very persistent tenacious, relentlessly stubborn women ready to move mountains for the welfare of our children,
_______________
To all the mothers out there, biological and otherwise, here is wishing you a happy mothers day! Cheers.
No comments:
Post a Comment