March first week is always loaded with events to celebrate women empowerment.
This year too, for the 8th March afternoon, I received an invitation to attend a women's day event. As the program was in a mall, I asked the daughter to join me.
Preesha jumped in, saying she could spend time at a bookstore while I attended the event.
A day before, too, I was at another women's day event hosted by Raggnee Agarwaal
While we were driving to the place, she asked me: mom, what do these events mean to you?
Every year, you get busy around 8th march speaking on women empowerment, whereas you at home ask all of our permission to go on a three day holiday.
Don't you feel disempowered seeking approval from children, husband, maids, pets, like now when you are willing to go on pilgrimage with Neeru aunty, you are so stuck here because of my upcoming board exams.
She continued, on the one hand, you preach about fundamental rights for women, you talk about how every female should have the right to choose her life goals and methods to reach there. And look at your double standards here seeking approval from family to go on a spiritual sojourn.
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I paused for a moment played with the car stereo as her questions made me uncomfortable.
I took a deep breath to frame my answer; I try to be very careful while speaking to her because, as a mother, I will be setting an example for her to emulate in the future.
I said :
Someone has to do my job when I am not around; hence I seek your permission to outsource my responsibilities and hold you accountable. I am sorted if you take care of pets, garden, kitchen, and maids.
But these days, I am also worried about your exams. I know you can manage. But there will be bizarre onlookers judging me for going on a pilgrimage two months before her daughter's boards.
I can hear the murmurs behind my back :
HAA, what an irresponsible mother, imperfect parenting, mother gallivanting around before her daughter's boards. shame on her etc. etc
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Maa, again double standards; why should you worry about what the world has to say.
If the problem is my exams, then it is between you and me, and now that I am asking you to join Neeru aunty, you should go.
If your problem is the world, then I don't appreciate your thought process at all, and By the way, if I do well in exams, it is good for me, and I know that my failure and success is my responsibility, not yours or anyone else's.
I need you around without a doubt, but I will be happy if you cater to your needs along with taking care of mine.
And what is this obsession with temples? Why don't you go to Maldives, Greece or Goa?
I said: I feel rejuvenated when I soak in the energy around spiritual places. I know this is a passing phase; I will soon outgrow this need once I uncover the answers to my questions.
You know, last year, at the holy shrine of Vaishno Devi, one of the fellow pilgrims once narrated how he has started feeling disconnected from spiritual places. After visiting all the Hindu places of worship, the wisdom he derived was to seek God within.
Then I prodded him on why he was visiting Vaishno Devi for the Third time?
His reply made me happy; he said, "I just came to give my wife company". Like you, she is also searching for God in the temples.
I said I am not here purely in pursuit of or love of God; I have selfish reasons. I came here out of fear, greed and thankfulness in equal proportions.
He said you would evolve soon.
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So mom, do you think you have evolved in this one year of whirlwind tours to multiple temples?
I answered her back with a question.
So finally, can I go preesha, On a four-day break?
She said, go, momy go, live your life!
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Teerath yatra is not a comfortable luxury holiday; one has to stand in a long queue, use unhygienic public toilets, may get lost in an unknown town, exploited by fake pandits. The challenges are manifold in every temple town.
During my childhood, I have seen many women(widows) and retired couples getting into tightly packed yatra buses to escape into a month-long pilgrimage in the company of strangers to faraway destinations.
On their return, the entire village used to gather to take the prasadam, collect souvenirs and listen to the fantastic stories of the pilgrimage. Each visitor returned home with a single dream in their eyes to someday visit char Dham, go to Kashi and bathe in the Ganges at Haridwar.
Tirupati and Shirdi are the shrines that people in south India accomplish once in their lifetime. The ultimate destination is crossing the Godavari, surpassing Narmada, reaching Ganga and ending it in Gangasagar.
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Watching my grandparents and mother-in-law take long voyages into faraway lands seeking divine grace has influenced me.
In the recent past, I made a mockery of my Sister-in-law Manitha Reddy when she repeated her visits to India from the USA to seek shelter in ashrams for days together. She became an expert in doing yajna, Japa and mantra. She is engulfed in bhakti now and thus delegated all her happiness and sorrows to the divine.
As Srila Prabhupada calls it, "The nectar of devotion" I guess this nectar, once tasted, converts EVERYONE into an ADDICT.
Only the blessed get a taste of it once during their lifetime;
This trip of mine, too, is in pursuit of one such addiction, Preesha!
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I know I am swimming against the tide when it comes to parenting.
But I need to break these stereotypes that children are only mothers' responsibility.
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I am thankful to my friends for helping me and being my companions in visiting various temples across the length and breadth of India.
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