घना अँधेरा हैं

घना अँधेरा हैं
सुनसान  काली रात है
चारो और सन्नाटा है
 दूर दूर तक कोई आवाज़ नहीं
 सिर्फ मेरे   साँसों की आहट है
 मैं अकेला था घर पे
खौफ  सा लगने लगा
 लग रहा था कोई है
छुपा हुआ है कहिं
पर हकीकत में कोई नहीं है
ये  राज़  मुझे पता था।

तो  किससे  डर  रहा था ?
आखिर  किससे वहशत  हो रहा था
डर का तस्सवुर ऎसे  हो गया 
की सन्नाटा भी शोर मचा  रहा था
कुछ पल  मैंने गौर करना बंद किया
खामोश बैठ गया
खौफ  को समझने   लगा
 सन्नाटे से दोस्ती होगया 
अपने  करीब होने लगा
बेवजह  ही डरा जा रहा था 
 इल्म की रौशनी ने
बहार के अँधेरे को दूर किया 
बैठे बैठे मैंने खुद से
ढेर सारी  बातें की
अँधेरा आइना बनके
मुझे अपने आप से मिलाया
मैंने रात बितादी शब  के साथ
मोहब्बत सा होगया था अँधेरे  से
शब डूब  गया , पर  मैं  जाग गया

Sunday gyan

Sunday gyan

I : don't you realise he is working against your intrest, why do u help him , when will you understand the true colors of people , why don't you see through their wicked designs

He : so I shouldn't help anyone who is of no use to me ?

I : yes we should help people , invest in people who can be of use to us when we need them

He . Is this your interpretation of bhagwad Gita

I said why r u dragging Gita here

He : because you believe in it, and it says not to expect anything in return

I : it also preaches to not tolerate any wrong done to us

He : so helping a person who is of no use to us is equivalent to doing wrong to oneself ?

Not exactly but we should also understand the motive of the people specially of those who i believe are exploiting u

He : how does that matter to us ?
His motives are his , our motives are ours

I : getting exploited knowingly amounts to foolishness
We will not be forgiven for our ignorance, we should learn with time , upgrade understanding and defeat the bad along with doing the good .

He: I will not concur with your opinion of "helping a man with bad intentions is not good "

I : according to me you are not a smart person

He : the goal of my life is not to get into your good books

I : I will assume that you are helping the other person to get into his good books then ?

He : that's another stupid interpretation

I : you will regret doing this and we will debate on the same one day

He : i do not have any problem wih your faith in your intuition, I believe what I am doing right now is not wrong, if I will be proven wrong later, I will have no regrets for that , because I am doing the right, right now.
__________________________

I observed participated and moderated such family debates innumerable times ..... I think this happens in every household

We are all so circumstantial, at different points of evolution ... everyone has their own journey , and their understanding of right and wrong is their right ..

writing a memoir On the eve of my 41st Birthday...

Writing a memoir On the eve of my 41st Birthday...
The last birthday at my parents' home was a big affair, a farewell kind of thing... brother teased, saying, maybe this will be the last grandest celebration of your life... 
1st birthday after Shaadi
The man is on a fellowship program, and I am at in law place, waiting to join him... he calls the landline at 9:01 pm (as std rates were cheaper after 9), mom-in-law talks first, then dad ... his elder brother could sense my anxiety, and he gets me on to the line with the man bypassing others, and he was the one who remembered my birthday and brought sweets home on the way back from his office.. it was just a plain happy birthday greeting from the man, my hopes, dream of a fairy tale birthday, surprise gift all washed out in an unromantic moment ... I retired to my room and slept weeping that night.... when I met him later that week, I assumed he will show a lot of remorse for missing an opportunity to celebrate my birthday (in his meager income) but to my surprise, no sign of any such guilt, 
My dad used to praise this man so much that I was convinced that my dad could not read, understand, and assess people!
The next Birthday too, was uneventful, and so was the next which apparently fell on a Sunday, I had some hopes that he would make it memorable for me, but he was given Sunday duty reasoning the shortage of manpower at the CORPORATE hospital. My heart broke into pieces. 

The next few birthdays too had the same dry spell; I eventually stopped fantasizing about grand birthday celebrations, Sometimes neighbours took the initiative, and other times, friends tried to make it an occasion for me, but the first move was never made by him.

 Birthday gifts were always books; I used to envy friends who got expensive gifts, luxury holidays, and grand parties as birthday packages. 
But After 2 decades of life with him, I learnt that Celebration is not just pomp and splendour, it cannot be measured materialistically, celebration is joyfulness which should not be constrained to limited days.

Celebrate life; celebrate the moments, the opportunities, the struggles, the goals, the promise, the achievement, the beauty, the giving. 
THE GREATEST GIFT FOR THIS LIFETIME IS HE AND HIS COMPANIONSHIP.
I realize that this life has become a celebration for me because of the joys following our coming together. I have started enjoying this transformation. I believe God created him to help me evolve into the person he intends me to be and my evolution in the true sense has started. 
Thank you all... family, friends, colleagues, partners, associates, for being a part of another good year of my life.

Happy birthday Sathwik Deekonda , its a pleasure sharing space with you on this blessed day!