Marriage to Divorce - love to hurt!

 Marriage is a dynamic, ever-evolving relationship/partnership in which the MOU(memorandum of understanding) varies for each couple.

ALSO

Unilaterally, one partner alters the MOU according to their tastes and choices because marriage was and will never be about equality or mutually attainable goals; one partner will give more, tolerate more, and suffer more than the other.

So kudos to people if they remain married for long, long years.

Nothing but congratulations on maintaining the status quo and peace.

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The first Decade of marriage is loaded with innocence and love, where partners explore and establish the footing of their relationship. There is love, disagreements, and then dosti, which usually leads to deeper dosti after every conflict. This phase is often considered the best period of married life.

If a marriage successfully survives the first Decade, it will likely endure until one of the partners dies.

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In the Second Decade, Responsibilities become central—raising children, managing finances, and establishing careers—which can sometimes overshadow the pyaar factor. The focus shifts from mohabbat to managing a billion other things.

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Midlife crises kick in from the third Decade, and Partners start drifting apart due to diverging interests and increasing stress. They both have evolved as human beings, more so as professionals. The growth at work, the financial success, and the newfound glory may alter their personalities altogether.

Success is a heady feeling that may make monsters out of ordinary people. If both partners attain their career peak, it is peace, but if one surges ahead of the other, bruised egos do the damage, and if both fail, then it is an everyday routine of regular life.

This is the stage when Women seek refuge in newer realms like spirituality or travel while men start getting into newer relationships (bewafa sanam) out of boredom. Or, this is when they are at the peak of their careers, and a strange insecurity creeps into them, making them fear the loss of position/money/retirement, etc.

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The fourth Decade is a phase marked by a sense of inevitability. The emotional weight of societal expectations and family obligations may lead to tolerance rather than genuine pyaar.

From hereon, they know that all the exit gates are closed. They have to share the name, space and title.

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The Fifth Decade is spent in anxiety and dependency. It involves anticipating farewells, reflecting on the time spent together, and confronting the realities of Budapa. The first and fifth decades are when the couples are closest to each other. The first Decade is about the joy of union, and the fifth Decade is about the fear of separation.

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The above applies to ordinary people like you and me, but it doesn't matter for celebrities, the Elite class, HNIs, and people in creative work.

They live in a different world, and their mindsets are not like ours. They have a high-pressure lifestyle, where they must continually innovate, design, perform, upgrade, and maintain so much that only newness can keep them motivated and going.

A muse, a new relationship, and a new experience are necessary to inspire, motivate, and unleash creativity.

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As people rise in life, they often begin to take people and relationships for granted. In many households, the underperforming partner is often cast aside.

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If AR Rahman, Mahesh Bhupati, Pawan Kalyan, Amir Khan, Sachin Pilot or Gautam Singhania file for divorce, we should not judge them from our perspectives. It is suitable for them if they think it is good for them.

For some bade log, divorce can be acceptable at any point, whether it is in the first year of marriage or after 30 years or more. Marriage may be less about pyaar nibhana or vaada nibhana and more about meeting matlab and kaam nikaalna.

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By its very nature, marriage is prone to jagda as two individuals with different mindsets try to live saath mein jeevan ke anth thak!

It will be beautiful if both partners welcome each other's idiosyncrasies in the marriage, as these quirks add to the richness of one's experience as a spouse.

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However, it is also acceptable for marriages to end, and individuals should consider leaving an unhappy union rather than remaining trapped in a situation that doesn't bring them or their loved ones joy.

Talak koi badi baat nahi

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Some of the short lived marriages in the world

1. A Kuwaiti couple divorced just three minutes after their wedding ceremony in 2019. The alleged reason for the divorce was that the groom insulted the bride
2. A girl from a Gujrati family filed for divorce after her arranged marriage lasted only four hours.
3. Britney Spears and Jason Alexander lasted 55 hours. 
4. There are so many marriages in the narrow bylanes of urban India where the girl elopes home, marries, and is brought back within days.
5. Pawan Kalyan and Renu Desai lived together for 8 years, but their marriage lasted only 4 years.
6. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt lived together happily for 12 years and parented 6 kids, but their marriage lasted only two years.

We never know how hurt AR Rahman or Saira Banu is or how long they have been enduring the pain of forced togetherness.

If it liberates them and makes them better human beings, so be it!

Rahman might bring out his best in the space of liberation and solitude or in the company of the new Muse.

Wait and Watch.

Women are the victims of on-screen glamour

 Women are the victims of on-screen glamour

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Today, girls (aged 20-80), not all, but most of us, are, on average, spending a percentage of our budget, be it salary or pocket money or borrowed money or loan amount on cosmetics, makeup products, etc.

Looking beautiful has evolved into a complex but profitable industry.

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Serums, hitherto unknown to us, are now packaged into bottles that resemble infants' cough syrups.

Social media is flooded with reels from influencers suggesting the application of AB, BC, AH, HB, BH, CH, AHA, BHA, and various Alphabetically evolving serums, each claiming to address different skin concerns.

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Sunscreens were once applied by people who had prolonged exposure to sunlight, but now they are considered a daily necessity, even for those who spend most of their time indoors. The reasoning? Artificial lights in rooms are just as harmful as the sun itself. And we need to reapply them every three hours.

We are now sucked into a cycle of an ever-growing list of products we "must" buy to look YOUTHFUL and beautiful.

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There are different skincare routines for days and nights.

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let us start with the daycare routine

wash the face with a hydrating facewash consisting of aloevera+banana+orang peel and rice water++++

apply four layers of serums (for glow, acne, blemishes, wrinkles)

top it with a moisturizer, followed by a sunscreen.

Apply kajal, eyeliner, lip gloss, and lipstick.

Then dab dab some sun protection compact over it.

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for special events

top the above with

A sticky gel called primer

then a cc cream to hide blemishes

then concealer to conceal dark patches

and then a foundation, bronzer, highlighter, contour, plus ten layers of various products.

Then, crown it with a fixer spray to stop the products from melting and bleeding.

Ultimately, paint the eyelids like a canvas with eye shadow pallets from 4 different brands. It is a multi-step process involving outlines, fillers, glitters, and then blending everything to give it a natural look(how ironic)

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In the handbag, a compact mirror, lip gloss, and a hydrating spray are carried to maintain the makeup.

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A strict nightcare routine involves serums, lotions, and creams, all sold by beauty gang influencers. Fraudsters mostly.

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Please remember that influencers are paid to promote makeup products. One day, an influencer might declare a Masaba foundation excellent; the next day, another one will say that MAC products are unmatched as a foundation. The day after, her fellow influencer may claim that Charlotte Tilbury is the best.

As a result, we buy all three products, often using them just a couple of times before forgetting about them as soon as a new cream is launched.

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Influencers promoting cosmetics and creams are reimbursed a percentage of the sale amount. Don't fall into their trap.

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We should watch reels of comedians, yoga teachers, musicians, chefs. Reels of people who are achievers are experts in their domain, not reels of people selling and promoting products; the moment you notice an expert endorsing products regularly, just unfollow them and do not let them exploit your admiration for the skill in their art.

Be it a kohli or a Bachhan.

Once upon a time, people subscribed to a simple skin and haircare routine like the occasional application of haldi, malai, dahi-besan, and henna, and our biggest influencers were our dadis, mothers, and neighborhood aunties who shared their secret beauty tips with us.

The yellow saree

 The yellow saree.

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My father bought this saree for my mother 40 years ago from weavers in Gadwal somewhere in 1984 or 85.; I was around 9 or 10 when I witnessed my parents discussing the saree.

Then, he was a member of the Telugu Desam party and Zilla Parishad, chairman of Adilabad.

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I was sitting on the double cot in my parent's bedroom when my father opened his suitcase and handed over the saree to my mother.

She took it in her hands, opened and spread it on the bed; I shifted aside, making space for the beautiful saree!

My mother made a face. "Why yellow?. Why do you want me to match with the Telugu Desam party color?" she unhesitatingly asked.

Watching from the sidelines, I worried it would escalate into a heated argument.

But my father smiled gently, "It will look good on you as you have a fair complexion. I like yellow, and when you accompany me to events, you can wear this."

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My mother was not fond of the color; she draped it rarely, and it had been folded away over the years, only making rare appearances at small events.

 Now, eighteen years after my mother left us, the saree is still lying in one corner of the wardrobe, a relic of a time gone by.

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Today,  I draped it for the first time, still feeling the warmness of her presence as though receiving her blessings in the touch of the fabric.

It is not just about the saree —but the memories woven into its threads. The saree had seen my mother's journey and my father's love for her, and now it is becoming a part of my life.

Draping it today felt like embracing her presence and blessings on a day like Karwa Chauth.

Unlike my mother's generation, who had smaller wardrobes and simpler lives, We have closets overflowing with clothes, but few items carry the importance of emotions like this yellow saree.

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I often tell my husband that we are like nomadic tribes. We were born in one place, raised in another, attended college in another city, married, and then moved to a different city. Finally, our work has brought us to an entirely new geographical location.

We have been gathering a bit of everything from every place we lived. The best part about us is that we are flexible and ready to adapt, accept, and evolve. We enjoy the exposure to different cities, cultures, languages, foods, and customs.

I cannot understand people who resist learning a new language(like in Karnataka). It is a blessing to experience so much newness in life.

Exploring ethnic festivities, listening to the folklore behind each of them, and understanding the reasons and logic behind each celebration is a choice we made long ago. I believe that the more I know, the happier my atma becomes.

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One beautiful festivity I am introduced to in the quest for newness is Karwa Chauth and the emotion behind its celebration. 

Fasting for the long life of the person we want to spend the rest of our life with; how beautiful is that?

There are no ifs and buts when praying for your loved ones. No reason, no logic, can deter me because nothing rewards like faith. If we have faith in anything, it will return to us with the gifts we seek. Trust in it and see the results for yourself.

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This old yellow saree, once barely worn, is now a bridge to the many lives I  lived in the spaces between then and now.

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Thank you, Mithila and Daman, for having me over and integrating me into your culture.

Thanks to all the fantastic friends who helped me feel at home .

Do send me all the pictures dear sakhis, I will save them for posterity!

Rumblings as the 49th birthday celebrations come to an end.

 Rumblings as the 49th birthday celebrations come to an end.

7th September 2024. 8.45pm.

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I naturally fall in love with idols, but this one is special.

Liberty to design and improvise is a powerful feeling.

It's a godly feeling.

The son taught me from scratch the process of idol making! I failed, failed again and then succeeded in giving shape to bappa!

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Every design(each of us are) is perfect and has a purpose; finding our spot, fitting into his scheme to tessellate in his jigsaw puzzle, is the challenge.

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I was born during Ganesh Utsav celebrations, and today, my Ganesha and I are sharing the birthday!

Happy happy!

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My mom left this planet two days short of her 49th birthday; hence, psychologically the 49th birthday is a landmark for me.

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Stepping into the 50th year feels special because the other side of 50 makes one mature, intelligent, powerful and independent.

It is empowering to have the backing of 49 years of wisdom, which is my proprietary and built on my mistakes and suffering.

Strangely, yesterday's pain and mistakes have become today's learning and tomorrow's wisdom.

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Blessed to have a loving family, friends and colleagues.

Each one of them made me feel special, totally submerged under love and care, immense gratitude now and forever.

The surprise party was a surprise indeed!

Thank you is an incomplete expression!

Let us all stay strong and healthy for my 50th birthday in 2025

The preparations have begun for the same!

Mehandi, I think, acts like an ex!

 Mehandi, I think, acts like an ex!

When it's freshly applied, just like when one is still in a relationship, it demands attention. It's beautiful, even intoxicating, but it binds you, limiting your freedom. With every little movement, one is reminded of its presence.

And when the time comes to wash it off (break up), it's not as simple as wiping it away. So much like parting ways with someone you loved, it leaves behind its mark. The bright and vibrant stain reminds you of the good times, of the days when things felt new and full of promise. You see it every time you look at your hands; even though it's fading, it's still there. Lingering. Holding on.

It's a constant reminder of what you thought might last forever. But as it dulls, you come to terms with its departure. Each day, the color lightens, and so does its weight.

And then one day, just like that, it's gone.

That's when you know—you're ready. Ready for a new beginning, fresh mehandi, a new story, and the future. The old has faded, leaving only memories, and your palms and life are again free to be adorned with something new.

#karwachauthspecial

#mehndi #2024

VINESH PHOGAT TO MOUMITA DEBNATH

 VINESH PHOGAT TO MOUMITA DEBNATH

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It is an undeniable fact that women face sexual harassment in the workplace, specifically in male-dominated environments. When Vinesh reported sexual harassment, it required severe and immediate attention from the government. Instead, the government initially went into denial mode rather than acting to address the situation.

Vinesh is genuinely a warrior by every definition. Any ordinary person would have been frustrated after enduring the unfairness she faced during her protests, including being dragged on the streets and humiliated.

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No woman would come forward to report sexual harassment for entertainment or personal gain. Vinesh is not seeking attention; she is a champion and fighter who has secured victory for India. A true fighter never gives up, and neither did Vinesh. 

In August, she made a remarkable return to the sport Despite the setbacks in Rio, Tokyo, and on the streets of Delhi.

Vinesh was unstoppable in Paris; she stormed into the final after defeating Pan American Games champion Guzman of Cuba 5-0 in the semi-finals.

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But fate rechallenged her; this time, the situation was beyond her control; it was not about fighting an outsider but her own body. Vinesh failed to keep her weight below 50 kg on the morning of her final bout. She weighed 50.100kg, just 100 grams above the limit, which led to her disqualification from the event.

 Fate gave Cuban wrestler Guzman a direct entry into the finals, first losing to Vinesh and her spot but getting into the finals because of Vinesh's disqualification. An intertwined fate of these two souls got squared at the Paris Olympics.

Vinesh fought for justice but lost, and her wrestling journey ended bitter. 

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BJP failed in handling the wrestlers' protest; the prime minister should have come down a few steps and sent his female ministers to embrace Vinesh and stand in solidarity with her. Showing empathy when needed the most is very rewarding; people remember the ones who stand with them in their weakest moments, in the moments of self-doubt.

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The BJP underestimated Vinesh Phogat's fighting spirit and couldn't anticipate her near podium finish in Paris. They thought her story was finished, but instead, they created a monster, a determined competitor,  and the enemies of BJP did not leave any stone unturned to fan the fire. As a result, she is now seeking retribution from the BJP.

Imagine Vinesh winning gold in Paris, sending the entire BJP into self-imposed hiatus for the longest time.

When the Haryana elections come, the Prime Minister's advisors will have a lot of damage control to do.

 A wasted opportunity(EGO) for the BJP in the impending battle to win Haryana, Timely compassion and kindness would have changed their image in the eyes of a larger population.

Investors value transparency, and dear BJP, your investors are your voters.

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Moumita Debnaths's parents and colleagues also expected the same.

Didi should have sent the likes of Dr Kakoli Gosh Dastidar, an alumnus of RG Kar Medical College, to stand by Moumita's parents and personally oversee the funeral.

Irrespective of who is involved and how damaging it is to the party, Didi should have come forward and expressed complete solidarity support with the victim's family and ensured a safe workplace for all the women at the government hospitals, bringing in some immediate moves by arresting all the suspects. 

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She should have repeated how she stood for the Rajeev Kumar IPS in 2019 by doing a sit-in dharna at Esplanade. Before Moumita's parents decide to sit on a dharna for justice ( political opportunists from all sides are sensing a prospect in it), Please do not make enemies out of healthcare employees lest they will rally around the VICTIMS family, and it may become a return of Singur.

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When Kangana was fighting politicians in Mumbai, we all supported her, and we then had a hint that her end goal was politics; even Vinesh showed the same signs. ONE WAS BACKED BY THE BJP AND THE OTHER BY THE CONGRESS.

Vinesh or Kangana will be hero-worshipped as long as they stick to the domain that made them heroes; once you enter public life, you should be ready for the scrutiny of your private life, and the mud-slinging matches will intensify, then playing the Victim card will not work.

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Moumita's parents need to know what happened to their daughter on the night of 9th August; they have the right to have an every-minute account of it; if the assault was by one person or more than one,  CBI should come out and give details to her family and to everyone around.

CBI, under the influence of the central government, should not play politics with victims' families the way it did with the SSR family. 

The agency will wait for the sensation and public interest to die a natural death and silently release the report one evening in favour of their masters.

If the bureaucracy was honest and showed a spine, half of our problems would vanish.

We often blame the political class, but the judiciary and bureaucracy are equally corrupt, greedy, and hand-in-glove.

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Whatever the intent of the Modi government / Didi government, the political posturings of empathy and sympathy could have helped them eliminate one potential rival. 

Telangana government sensed public unrest after the gruesome rape and murder of a dentist in the outskirts of Hyderabad hence went by the demands of the masses and eliminated the rapists; the decision was applauded by one and all barring some pseudo-intellectuals.

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Only with the respective governments' intent and involvement will there be closure for Vinesh Moumita or anyone asking for it.

The pain of crime is sometimes much less than that of not receiving justice.

The pain of not being heard is far more than that of not receiving justice.

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#VineshPhogat #moumitadebnath #vineshphogatdisqualified #rgkarmedicalcollege

Special connection with Sambaji Nagar

 27/01/2023

Special connection with Sambaji Nagar
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After spending the weekend with my daughter and dropping her off at collethisday morning, I decided to visit temples. She insisted on staying at college for lunch and ordered me to STAY AWAY  till 5 pm.
Thanks to her, I covered the Bhadra Maruti temple at Kuldabad,  then Grishneshwar, which means lord of compassion; it is the 12th of jyotirlingas in the vicinity of Ellora caves.
Devotees usually visit Grishneshwar at the end of covering 12 jyotirlinga darshanams. Still, I started my spiritual journey with this temple, and the blessings came in abundance every time  I went to meet Shiva Parvati.
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The temple was transformed many times, destroyed, and rebuilt like many of the other 12 jyotirlingas in India.

It was rebuilt in its current form in the 18th century under the sponsorship of queen Ahilyabai Holkar of Indore after the fall of the Mughal Empire
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The next stop was at Ellora cave number 16.
The natural pull today came from this particular cave.
The Kailasa temple in the Ellora Caves is a megalith carved from one rock. It is considered one of the most remarkable cave temples in India because of its size, architecture, and sculptural treatment, built in the 8th century!∆
The average person like me did not know what Kailasa Temple was!
I saw it as a thirteen-year-old but wasn't wise enough to comprehend the greatness of Ellora caves, specifically cave number 16.
My father drove the family to introduce us to the caves, daulatabad fort, grishneshwar, and many other exciting places leading to Nashik and ending at Janmasthan of river Godavari in Nasik, which is also called Dakshina ganga. It is the second-largest river in India.

The Kailasa temple, in today's parlance, can be called one of the first examples of Minecraft in history.
People with pickaxes carved out a mountainside till they had a temple.
It (Cave 16) is the largest of the 34 Buddhist, Jain, and Hindu cave temples known collectively as the Ellora Caves, ranging for over 2 km along the sloping basalt cliff at the site. The architecture shows traces of South Indian carvings. It is noticeable and  notable for its vertical excavation and is  the only structure in the world that is carved from the top to bottom
The aerial view of the temple can be found on Google; it is a mesmerising sight, with goosebumps giving visual.
Every design & measurement was planned precisely, as once it was cut, there was no chance to change it by adding extra stone

This temple is from single solid basalt bedrock measuring  164 feet long and 108 feet wide. The structure will probably never be built again on Earth!
It is considered the largest Monolithic Structure in the World and can be called Wondersders of the Wonders!
I was blessed to spend half a day at the site, devouring every inch of it with my eyes.
You should see it to believe its magnanimous, enthralling, captivating aura.

Ellora caves are depicted on the new rs—20-note Indian currency.
The caves are UNESCO-declared world heritage sites.
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I had to catch hold of solo travellers to get my pic clicked and return the favour by clicking theirs.
The best shots came from the young ladies, and the worst came from middle-aged men.

I thought only my husband was poor at clicking my pics; alas, it is the same sorry story from East to West.
I asked one man
Aap bhabhi ke pictures bi itni buri lete ho kya
He said ho na, wo trass make mere saath jaati ich nai.
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I MURMURED YOU DESERVE IT!
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Gratitude.
I have always experienced an ancestral spiritual connection with this city. Every time I bid goodbye to it, considering it my last visit, the Maratha aura summons me to bestow some larger good.

#aurangabad
#elloracaves
#Grishneshwar
#kailasatemple
#mgmuniversity
#January2023